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| Romeo and Juliet dated |
The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country. The most common sense is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they're compatible by going out together in public as a couple, and who may or may not yet be having sexual relations, and this period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement or marriage.
Finding love
About 18 million Americans suffer from depression and another 20 million worldwide use dating websites each month, according to Online Dating Magazine. Chances are, there are people who will be in both groups.
But dating can be a challenge when you suffer from depression. “Sometimes if you don’t feel like smiling but are in a situation where you’re expected to be happy, that can make you feel even worse,” says Helen Friedman, PhD, a clinical psychologist in private practice in St. Louis.
That said, meeting a new person can also be a source of joy. These 10 simple tips can help make dating a bit easier.
Consider Professional Help
The best way to stay strong? Seek treatment, if you haven’t already.
With greater awareness about depression, the stigma of mental illness has diminished somewhat. Therapy and/or medication use is common and often very successful.
More than 80% of people who seek treatment get relief from symptoms, according to Mental Health America.
Time it right
To do this, be sure to engage in positive self-talk, Friedman says. And if you are on medication, take it religiously; be consistent with therapy; surround yourself with a support system of friends and family; and be around upbeat, positive people.
“Don’t push yourself to date if the timing doesn’t feel right,” she says. “Honor yourself. You might need to lick your own wounds first.”
Don't tell on the first date
If things become more serious, however, you should tell your potential partner. Friedman says a good time might be when you decide to see each other exclusively or when you just feel that you care more deeply about each other.
“There are always individual differences,” she says. “Something may come up in a conversation where it would feel like a natural time or that it would be dishonest not to. You might choose that time to share that you have depression.”
How to talk about it
First, tell your partner that she is important to you, enough so that you have something about yourself to share with her.
Second, don’t just blurt out “I suffer from depression.” Instead, preface it by telling her there’s something you’ve struggled with that’s a fairly common problem, let her know you have been diagnosed with depression and that you’re taking care of yourself by seeking treatment.
And finally, emphasize again that you care about the person and the relationship. This message is as important as telling her that you have depression, says Friedman.
Accept assistance
For example, if you exercise regularly to help lift your mood, ask your partner to join you. If they will support you in your endeavors, “they could be a real keeper,” she says.
Telling them about the challenges you face or going to couples counseling can also be helpful. Just talking about your relationship and how depression may impact it lets a person know you want him or her to be a part of your life.
Be patient
For example, men often feel that it’s their job to make their partner happy, says Friedman. Understand his desire to help, but let him know you can’t always put on a happy face.
Some women, on the other hand, expect men to take the initiative to plan dates or activities. This can be hard to do when you are depressed and you have little energy. Let her know you want to be with her, but you may have to keep things low-key.
Don’t repeat past dating mistakes
If you find yourself falling into a pattern that didn’t work for you in the past (like dating someone who makes you feel bad about yourself), leave the situation, and take some time off or find another companion.
“Therapy might help you to work out any issues you have in order to go forward in your relationships and not repeat past mistakes,” Friedman says. (sources: www.health.com)
Online dating
"It is easy to get discouraged when dating online," she says. "It takes skill to know how to navigate online dating to find someone special."
There are sites geared specifically for those with mental illness, such as Nolongerlonely.com. Friedman says these types of sites can be a good place to go to, but consider mainstream dating sites as well.
Don’t give up after meeting just one or two people. Discuss the process with friends and family; having a good support system can help.
Acceptance
One thing to remember about dating is that all people have some kind
of baggage they bring along for the ride. So don’t be too hard on
yourself, says Los Angeles–based therapist Nancy Irwin, PsyD. “Most people have some issue that they manage—either their weight or acne or a past,” she says.
If the person and the relationship are right for you, depression isn’t likely to be a deal breaker.
5 Chocolate Recipes For Dating.....
Ooh la la, chocolate!
From Health magazine
Dark chocolate boasts heart-healthy flavonols. Just a small square a day has been shown to help reduce blood pressure, so why not treat yourself to the ultimate healthy pleasure?
Chocolate–Salted Caramel Tart
Ingredients: frozen phyllo dough, cooking spray, sugar, heavy cream, bittersweet chocolate, sea salt
Calories: 126 per slice
Chocolate Sauce
Ingredients: bittersweet chocolate, unsweetened cocoa powder, dark brown sugar, instant coffee granules, hot water, agave syrup, vanilla extractCalories: 128 per 1/4 cup sauce
Double Chocolate Sorbet Sandwiches
Ingredients: powdered sugar, Dutch process cocoa powder, kosher salt, bittersweet chocolate, chopped walnuts, egg whites, vanilla extract, sorbet or gelatoCalories: 233
Angel Food Cake Pops
Ingredients: Cake: 1/3 less-fat cream cheese, powdered sugar, angel food cake, Paper lollipop sticks Toppings:
dark chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, assorted sprinkles,
jimmies, candies, sliced almonds, toasted coconut flakes, chopped
walnuts, crushed cookies
Calories: 145
Chocolate Pot de Crème
Ingredients: heavy cream, bittersweet chocolate, egg yolks, Grand Marnier or other flavored liqueur, unsalted butter, orange zestCalories: 214
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